Janeth Canama

I celebrated my 30th birthday this week. And I feel like it deserves a post at least. But I don't know what to write. If you think about it, I've lived a third of my life (if I live to 90 that is). I'm not really worried about that. I don't have a particular goal to hit. I don't plan to get married and form a family, for example. I'd like to finish my PhD though. And I can now focus fully on writing my dissertation. The results that I got were quite simple in retrospect although getting there was not straightforward. I got stuck a lot of times. I took a break and when I got back I realized how to fix it. I kind of question my output. Is it good enough? My adviser says so. Then it must be. Who am I to argue with that? I have to get better at receiving feedback. I'm not really good at multi-tasking. Things overwhelm me. But the rare moments when I got into the zone were exhilarating. I'm not sure I'll ever get used to the roller-coaster of ...

I was listening to Blind by Lifehouse on repeat and these lyrics stood out to me and I couldn't help but feel emotional. I always loved this song but today is just one of those days when it hit me. After all this time I never thought we'd be here Never thought we'd be here When my love for you was blind But I couldn't make you see it Couldn't make you see it That I loved you more than you'll ever know I always felt that I have to do something incredible to be deserving of love. But no, the moment I was born I was already deserving of love. I don't have to do anything. How can you expect someone else to love you if you can't even love yourself? I'm so hard on myself lately. Like existing is not even enough. I don't have to feel this way anymore. At least I'm trying to. Anyway, I was listening to this song on repeat and I cannot get enough of it. I had to pause it eventually because I was looking for drum covers. But they ain't any go...