Janeth Canama

Ever have someone get interested with you they want to know everything about you? You got their attention!  It's uncomfortable because you suddenly find yourself an audience. You get self-conscious. Consequently, you watch your actions. You try to impress.  This is not really the point I was trying to make. My point is that if someone claims they love you, they should be able to give you their full attention. Words without actions to back them up are meaningless. In the modern world where people have short attention span, having someone focus only on you can be flattering. I wonder if it's possible to love without giving attention. I don't think so. Because to truly know someone you have to observe. And that requires attention. Pure undivided attention. I don't mean to say that you're what they think about 24/7. That's obsession. But when they do attend to you, it's intentional. Intent matters. Although it's possible to observe things without intending t...

I thought about the following sentence. It's so easy to fall in love; It's hard to stay in love. I definitely was in a situation where I think I was attracted to someone. It happens so often, right? But that's all there is to it--attraction. Whether it is sustained is up to me. Why should I pursue something that has no future? Anyway, I lost my train of thought. I lost my argument. Maybe because this is all hypothetical; this has never happened to me before. I never have to sustain love. But I definitely have thoughts on second chances. I realized that I didn't love someone because I didn't give him anything beyond a second chance. If I loved him, I would have given him more chances. If I loved him, emotions would have overcame logic. But that didn't happen, did it? That's why I couldn't blame people who are crazy in love. They chose feelings over logic. Nothing wrong with that. It's their choice. I also have some thoughts on forgiveness. I do not fo...

If you think about it a hyperlink is the coolest thing ever. You mean to tell me that I can go from one place to another place in an instant? Only time travel can beat that. We take it for granted. But imagine if we can be transported from one physical place to another in an instant. Wouldn't that be revolutionary? It's like magic. I guess my frustration comes from the inefficiency of travel. And the difference between Euclidean distance and Manhattan distance. Or the difference between distance and displacement. The Euclidean distance is the length of the straight line connecting two points. But travelling from one point two another is another story. There are barriers--manmade and natural. So in reality the distance traveled is significantly longer than the Euclidean distance. But we don't have this problem with "places" on the internet. We can go from one link to another by hyperlinking--transcending physicality.  And even if the internet connection is slow, we...

I wish academic writing was more fun. I'll give you a story of algebra. This is the story of Alex. She wants to know where she came from. Alex grew up an orphan. She didn't know her biological parents. Now that she's older, she wants to find them. She wants to know why they abandoned her at such a young age. This story is a story of identity. What is the essence of a person? Why is it important for us to trace our ancestry? Why do categories exist? Why does it matter at all? What if she's "divergent" and doesn't belong to any existing tribes? Does something like that exist in mathematics--like an amalgam of identities? To figure out where she came from, Alex is gonna ask the help of mathematicians like Galois. See? That wasn't so hard. And now I'm intrigued.

Why is it sometimes easier to start over than to edit an unrecognizable writing? So the downside of the free writing technique that I used is that if I don't edit it immediately, I don't remember what I meant when I wrote it. I f there are so many errors and mistakes then the task of editing it would be overwhelming. So sometimes it is easier to just start over with just the gist of the idea. The white ink method will be helpful in overcoming writer's block but it's quite challenging to edit what you've written. I guess the lesson there is that sometimes it's easier to start over than to fix something  unfixable .  It's a headache. This applies to life in general, not only writing. Sometimes we just have to let chaos take over and let things be, you know. I observed this when I tried to compile tweets so that I can write a post based on them but since my account is private it's time-consuming to try to collect them or to compile them into a coherent bod...

Oh this is easy. It's web surfing. Reading tweets on twitter. Browsing reddit.  I don't know why. Maybe it's just boredom. But there's something else there too. I want to dip in the stream of humanity. I want to know how they live. Or maybe I want to hoard information? No, it's not that. Maybe I just have an insatiable curiosity. I even wrote a poem about it-- what are you staying up for? Maybe I just want you to tell me something I don't know. This space of not-knowing is so vast that I don't think I'll ever get to the bottom of it. But it's fun. But since I can't finish reading all of it, I waste a lot of time trying to be satiated. I usually feel awful about it. I guess the dissatisfaction comes from collecting disconnected information. I jump from topic to topic. There's no narrative that ties them together. So I don't feel satisfied at all. You know what, that's actually a good thing because then I can stop.  Because the problem ...

A while ago I watched a video of Jack Conte  about creativity. There are two things that stood out. The first one is about writing for pleasure vs writing to publish. That one really resonated with me because I create stories in my head but I don't write them down. Self-indulgence. It would be cool to write it all down but that takes a lot of work. So this is the thing that I've been thinking about--having the right vocabulary. I've been having this conflict with myself and now that I saw that video I finally have terms that I can use to express this conflict. It's the same with math research, I think. I have some idea of what the result is but not having the right terms and notations to describe it is challenging. When I stumbled upon that 2015 paper by Araujo, et.al, everything opened up for me. Another thing is about funnels. The first connection that I can think of is about collaboration. I've been thinking about my sandwich program for a while now. And honestly...

I will talk about how I became a math major and the circumstances that led to it. As I was getting a screenshot of my COR and covering my ID Number because of privacy reasons, I was debating whether or not to cover my CGPA too. It's not information that can be used for identity theft, so why hide it? I realized that what I'm feeling is SHAME. Photo by  Andrea Piacquadio  from  Pexels Yes, my Cumulative GPA is 1.95267. Yes, I didn’t get a Latin honor. Some of my professors were surprised because they assumed that I did. I think it’s time to share what I’m ashamed about publicly so that it doesn’t have this power on me anymore. So what happened?  In the summer of 2010, I got hooked on PBB. I got invested in one of James Reid's loveteams. I was eighteen then. My teenage brain couldn't help but get attached to these personalities who weren't even aware of my existence. Now I know that there's a term for this attachment — parasocial relationship. I was watching live...

Photo by  ThisIsEngineering  from  Pexels Maybe it's time to talk about being an advocate for your future self. I guess the difficulty with this idea is that your "future self" is abstract. She does not exist yet. It's hard to empathize to someone non-existent.  My initial idea is that I should help Future Janeth (FJ) to get there. How can I help FJ to realize her existence? The rationale behind this approach is that I seem to do more when I help other people than when I help myself. Maybe it's the lack of accountability when I let myself down. Or maybe it's my people-pleasing tendencies. Whatever it is, I seem to be more motivated when I'm helping other people than when I'm "helping" myself. I go out of my way to help someone any way I can. So why can't I extrapolate this idea to help the "future me"? The one that doesn't exist yet. The one that I can't visualize and only see as a haze. I talked about it when I studied ...

These are my notes on  transformative tools for thought (haven't finished it yet) which reminds me of the book "A mind for numbers" by Barbara Oakley. What's really going on is that they're having a hard time with basic notation and terminology. It's difficult to understand quantum mechanics when you're unclear about every third word or piece of notation. Every sentence is a struggle. Same with math. If you don't get what notations really mean, even if you have conceptual understanding, you will get lost. In caricature, they say: “Why should I care about memory? I want deeper kinds of understanding! Can’t I just look stuff up on the internet? I want creativity! I want conceptual understanding! I want to know how to solve important problems! Only dull, detail-obsessed grinds focus on rote memory.” That's me. I'm caricature. ...when an expert learns new information in their field, they don’t make up artificial connections to their memory palace....

  Around this time, three years ago (July 2017 to be exact), I was also in this same room. Although the circumstances are different. My mindset then was desperation, now it’s abundance.  The jeepney realization Don’t just ride any jeepney. Choose the one going to your destination. I’ve waited so long… The waiting started during the summer of 2017 when I received a call from the principal of Mainit NHS. But I didn’t really end up there, did I? I had other options. Anyway the wait was so long that I remember riding on a jeepney with ICENHS students in it and thinking that “these are the kids that I will be teaching.” As the jeepney passed ICENHS, I thought to myself “that’s the school that I will be teaching at.” It was a surreal moment. My emotions were a mix of impatience and excitement. Oh how easy we forget. Maybe it’s true that the chase is more exciting than the reward. I guess that’s what I needed that time. I was bored with nothing to do. I needed to contribute. And so ...

  I always appreciate timestamps on long videos. One, it's a time saver. Two, it's like a table of contents so i have an idea of what's in the video. In the absence of, I scan the comments to see if there's any timestamp that viewers left behind. Bits that they find interesting. Otherwise, it's highly likely that i will exit the video and move on to the next one unless I get the gist of what the video is about in the first few minutes.  And then I decide if it's worth finishing. This is my "hobby". I waste my time doing this, instead of watching tv or movies.  I feel anxiety when I know that there are so many more videos that I can watch/listen to but have no time. FOMO but for information consumption. Mostly consuming, no creating. I tried leaving timestamps to videos I find insightful, but not consistently. I should do it more often. I create twitter threads where I attempt to document my (social) media consumption. I hope I do it consistently. Becau...

Today I typed out the proof of the Fundamental Theorem of Galois Theory. I'm almost done but I took a break.  Well, today felt good. I finally wrote that Pascal's triangle  article. It wasn't so hard. Took only an hour to do. And doing illustrations was fun too. Even if that project won't go anywhere, at least I had fun doing it. Next agenda is to read the articles downloaded and see if there's something there.  Catalan numbers. Manhattan distance. And so on and so forth. I don't really think I've done anything substantial today. Because I know I can do so much more in a day. But should I? What if I burn out? While writing the Pascal's article I had this realization that that problem is all about efficiency. And this connects to the " optimize before synthesize " post that I wrote a while ago. Or the "embrace the mess" post that I've been meaning to write. What's this obsession with efficiency? Is efficiency always good? By tr...

Doing it again and again for recording purposes strips the joy out of it. It's like solving a puzzle that you've already solved before. What's the point? One thing stood out to me yesterday (actually, I wrote this a few weeks ago). There was a probability problem that was tricky. At first, I wasn't sure how to answer it. I remember thinking for a few minutes, unsure of myself. It was when I tried to break down the problem that it opened up for me. Then it started to make sense. But one last challenge was a question involving the sum. It was finding the probability that the sum of numbers appearing after tossing two dice is positive. I thought hard and I thought well. Then I said, "let's try some values then." It was when I tried to substitute values to make the sum positive that I noticed that there are only two possibilities: either they are both even or they are both odd. They have to have the same parity, basically. So that solved it. What at first look...

I read Anthem by Ayn Rand before the pandemic happened. So my thoughts and opinions are not colored by people's reaction to the pandemic (e.g. anti-maskers).  First off, I disagree with Ms. Rand's over-arching thesis that selfishness is always good. Too much individuality has made me feel alienated from other people. The best feelings that I had are when I feel connected to other people. The following quote resonated with me because I'm usually secretive with my thoughts and opinions. I don't share my thoughts freely that's why i have a private twitter account. It is a sin to write this. It is a sin to think words no others think and to put them down upon a paper no others are to see. It is base and evil. It is as if we were speaking alone to no ears but our own. But according to the "document, don't create" philosophy you should share to the world your progress and don't just keep it to yourself. You might as well get constructive feedback and mee...

Photo by  Lisa Fotios  from  Pexels I have a dilemma. I hate coffee. But I need it to stay up all night. Why do I hate it? Not really because of the taste. I hate it because of what it does to my body. I get hungry easily. I get a stomachache. I get jittery. I palpitate. Also, I pee pretty often which is annoying and puts me out of flow of what I'm doing. On the flip side, by going to the bathroom every ten minutes or so, I am kept awake. Hmm, it could be beneficial I guess. Why do I need it? Because I need to be awake. And I need a shot of energy. That’s really it. Why do I need to stay up all night? Hmm. Let’s just say I need to write a time-sensitive document to be submitted during the weekend. My target is Sunday morning.  Why do I struggle with it? Because I suck at planning in general. I hate structure. I can do an impromptu lecture just fine. Although, that still needs a little bit of planning. But I want to get to the heart of the matter fast. The structur...

Yesterday, I messed up. I thought of printing my COR indicating my DOST scholarship and at the last minute I decided not to. I thought, nah, they won’t ask for it anyway. But they did. They asked for it. And I didn’t have it. This situation is so familiar because it happened before . I messed up. I was well on my way of chastising myself when I realized, “You know what, I messed up. It’s done. But how can i remedy the situation?” How can I repair it? I’ve waited three hours just to enter the bank and I have nothing to show for it. No! Hope is not lost. So the teller told me that I can print a copy of my COR. There’s a computer shop in front. Yes, there is. But it’s closed for business. Shit. Now what? I was rounding the corner looking for a computer shop or print station but there’s nowhere in sight. And then I thought, there’s a computer shop I know that’s not so far away from here.  I quickly hopped on a jeepney to the said shop. It’s only a couple minutes really. I could have wa...

Two friends are on the balcony watching couples. Somehow, they are arguing whether any of the couples would last. Is physical touch important in a relationship? The gesture doesn’t matter. The person you’re doing it with, that’s what matters. Elaborate. For example, I can hold your hand. May I? I don’t feel anything… but warmth. It’s just two friends holding hands. There are no butterflies. I could hug you. It doesn’t matter. It’s a friendly hug. I could kiss you. I t’s just a friendly platonic kiss. No feelings are involved. But if I kiss, hug or hold hands with someone I’m in love with, that’s different. It’s all that matters.  Are you saying I’m unattractive? No, of course not. You’re attractive, okay. Beautiful even. Someone will fall in love with you. For sure. If they get to know you enough. It’s just not gonna be me. What I’m saying is, if I do all those things with just anyone, it’s meaningless. But the action plus the person, now that’s magical. I didn’t know you were...

Photo by  freestocks.org  from  Pexels in that space between wakefulness and sleepiness may these ideas visit us there's no need to fight it let drowsiness close in you don't have to pretend that sleep is not your friend what are you staying up for? what exciting activity? scrolling till infinity hiding videos you don't wanna see overblown curiosity disparate no similarity and for what? to fend off boredom? are you really that boring? that you can't stop streaming?

Photo by  Bakr Magrabi  from  Pexels People are not vectors; they don't have a direction Or do they? Maybe they do Perhaps their direction represents their hopes and dreams And if their activities align with their "north" Then they feel happy and content But what if their motion is not in alignment with their "north"? then they feel lost and aimless like something is amiss something doesn't feel right So all our lives we try to be in alignment  with our true "north" not with the false "north"  that society has imposed upon us How do we know that the direction we're heading is our true "north"? We don't. But we have the rest of our lives to figure it out Test and recalibrate Test and recalibrate Rinse and repeat May we all find our true calling

What's up with trying to get it right the first time? Optimizing before synthesizing I think it's counterproductive The mess is part of the process So what if my intuition is not correct? I can always fine tune it There's no need to kick myself over it At least it allowed me to clarify my thoughts And assess how much I really know

DO I HAVE SOMETHING AGAINST SLACKERS? no nada i think it ’ s smart even it all depends on what their goal is if they dont want to be honor students then studying beyond passing seems like a waste of time and effort so i get it It ’ s those who have behavioral problems on top of academic problems that i have a problem with unfortunately, they ’ re usually linked because behavioral problems make our jobs harder  as teachers it adds to our emotional labor But just because he/she is a slacker now doesn’t mean that he/she  won ’ t be successful in the future it's actually a smart strategy especially if you already have an idea of what to pursue  after high school or if you want to explore non-academic interests seems reasonable to me

So I learned that a plane and a line passing through the origin are subspaces of the three-dimensional space. It’s funny that I realize it just now considering that this is something that I’m expected to know.  Anyway, I thought that subspaces are like sub-dimensions. Or collapsing of dimensions. Basically your movements are restricted to fewer number of dimensions than what is normally allowed. Reminds me of Flatland. A being in one dimension can’t move up to two dimensions. He’s basically restricted to move left or right. He’s only allowed to travel within a line. He can’t stray. He can’t move up a dimension. On the other hand, a two-dimensional being can easily “move down” to a line. He can interact with the one-dimensional being. He has that freedom. It’s like an angel moving down to earth. But by “moving down” he’s restricting himself. I guess the question is: can he move up again? Can an angel who decided to be human go back to being an angel again? Or is he trapped in this d...