Janeth Canama

I've lived alone twice. In two different apartments. I eventually went back home because, damn, it was lonely. As to why I moved out in the first place, that's a story for another day. But this post will chronicle those experiences. Incidentally, this also chronicles the struggles I had with my PhD program. (December 2020) F###. I'm still not in the mood. F###. This is so boring. I barely have time to cope with my first exam. But it has to be done. How can I make it less boring? See this is what I haven't anticipated. That I won't have motivation to go on. No, I still want to go on. I just need a break. I hate to be pressured above all things. There were some things that I haven't anticipated--like not being able to enter the building, and hence not being able to study for half a day. But honestly, it wouldn't have made much of a difference. For it to make a difference I would have to have processed the concepts weeks ago. Too late but that...

I love when things go wrong. At least I have a story to tell.  First, DOST has asked me an acceptance letter from the organizers. I was invited to talk there so I was only given an invitation letter. Apparently that wasn't enough. So I had to email one of the organizers to ask for an acceptance letter this time. It's absurd. But going back and forth through mail was fun. At least I had to practice my communication skills. I've been pretty rusty lately.  Then the Tunisian embassy has replied to my application essentially saying that I had incomplete requirements. I need to provide an employment letter! That's travel order and special order in local terms. The problem is I can't get that if DOST does not approve my request first. Although a travel clearance has been given, an approved memo is still pending. This might take a week or so. Who knows. I'm not really that worried. I still have around a month and a half to complete the requirements. Hope it doesn't ...

Good things come in threes. Or not. And I'm nearing the end of another cycle. The thing is, I'm not really sure what to do after this. Some people are giving me suggestions. But ultimately, I'm the one who decides. It felt like the period of resigning from teaching where everything was so slow and bureaucratic and I was so done with it but I had to go through the motions. The paperwork. And it's the same exact thing. I want so much to move on and maybe do something else but I have paperwork to hand in. Interestingly this paperwork is the step towards getting a PhD. But somehow, knowing this, doesn't motivate me. I'm pacing myself. Slowly. Too slow for my liking. I don't want to burn out. Perhaps money will motivate me? I really don't know. Maybe convenience? The things money can buy? I had a taste of it. It did kind of feel good. But I'm not going to kill myself just to get it. It's a nice thing to have. But it's not everything. I want to liv...

I was just talking three days ago that I haven't figured out how to show that quadratic annihilation operators are linearly independent. Yesterday, I figured it out! At least, for a certain type of operator. I just have to be clever about it.  I am really proud of this one because I struggled with it for days. This proof is a bit more complicated than the one about annihilation operators. And it needs a lemma or two. And some mathematical induction. The last three weeks has been crazy. Too many things happened . Now I want to settle down a bit. Focus on what matters.  For now, we are preparing a paper. Then I'm writing the manuscript. I have a month to do that before I submit it to my advisers. Then make arrangements for that trip in Tunisia.  It will be a crazy semester. I hope I graduate on time. I have so many ideas but that will have to go to the recommendation chapters. Let's wrap it up! I think I have enough to answer the objectives in my proposal.