Janeth Canama

  This year I lost my grandma from my paternal side. Her death coincided with my compre preparation. I haven’t visited her grave yet. I don’t know when. She was diagnosed with pneumonia. It could also have been COVID but they haven’t tested her. I don’t think I’ve fully processed it really. She was buried a day after her death. It was sad. You can just feel the energy of the house. Maybe it was her time to go. She’s lived a long life. I’ve lost some pets too. And I’m going to share my thoughts about it. What does it mean to care for someone? I have no idea. Nonetheless, it's all tied to our acceptance of death. Or death of a loved one. The impermanence of life. But it doesn't feel that way. It seems that we have all the time in the world. Until it's too late… Our cats have been breeding like crazy. And most of them don’t survive. Cat 1 (November 2020) It has been bothering me how life can be taken away just like that. I mean death is part of life. Plants die all the time. W...

 I really love how the white ink method is a metaphor for life. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done in the past. What your achievements were. What your goofs were. The most important thing is now.  The things that happened in the past start to fade into nothingness. So we shouldn’t mind them. Well except for a few which leave a mark. But what’s the probability of that happening? What are you going to write? Stop trying to read what you’ve written. Just write what’s coming in your mind. The important thing is to move forward. Don’t worry about the future either. Because it hasn’t happened yet. Just worry about the present.  The 1-second radius of now.  *** You know it's so nice and all. And it makes sense! But applying it is hard. It's so easy to get overwhelmed with what's going on in our life and to worry about the future. But make a conscious effort to go back to the present.

The D-classes have a certain type of hierarchy. And to illustrate this, I'll give relevant properties of the rank of a transformation. The first property is that the rank of a product of two transformations is less than or equal to the minimum of the individual ranks. Let's flesh this out some more. Let's start with what I call the nobility in this hierarchy--the permutations. The noble class would like their wealth and power to stay within their class or family. How do they do that? The idea is to marry someone with the same social class as you are. It's a very common trope in movies and TV. So in the same way, for an "offspring" of a permutation to have the full rank still, both of its "parents" should be permutations. rank(ab)=n  if and only if rank(a)=rank(b)=n As part of group theory, we study permutations. This is because a group is embedded in a permutation group by Cayley's theorem. In the finite case, every group of order n is isomorphi...

I noticed that my last post is about love. My last two posts actually. Let's change that. It may look like last year was so full of love but that's not really true. Historical, yes. Challenging, that too. So many things happened last year. I quit my job . I committed fully to my PhD program. Coronavirus was disruptive. Classes were done online. Zoom classes became the norm. Anyway, I decided that I will not anymore write a reflection or year-end review for 2020. Because it's like scratching a still tender wound. I'll do it when this is all over. But I'm not really in the right mind space to celebrate or to sit back and reminisce. Because the thing that I'm reminiscing is the same thing that I'm feeling right now. Anxiety. Uncertainty. So much has happened. And I'm glad that I came out of it intact. Remembering it is like experiencing it all over again and I don't want that. So I'll just let it be. Maybe I can look at it again after ten years. And...