I don't want to remember

I noticed that my last post is about love. My last two posts actually. Let's change that. It may look like last year was so full of love but that's not really true. Historical, yes. Challenging, that too. So many things happened last year. I quit my job. I committed fully to my PhD program. Coronavirus was disruptive. Classes were done online. Zoom classes became the norm.

Anyway, I decided that I will not anymore write a reflection or year-end review for 2020. Because it's like scratching a still tender wound. I'll do it when this is all over. But I'm not really in the right mind space to celebrate or to sit back and reminisce. Because the thing that I'm reminiscing is the same thing that I'm feeling right now. Anxiety. Uncertainty.

So much has happened. And I'm glad that I came out of it intact. Remembering it is like experiencing it all over again and I don't want that. So I'll just let it be. Maybe I can look at it again after ten years. And then I'll laugh about it. But now I'm so in it that it's not funny. It's still very fresh. And the things that I was afraid of are still very much the same.

So yeah. I will still document but I won't synthesize. I'll look back whenever it's relevant and when I'm ready. But that's about it.

Let's move forward.

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