I can't finish watching Laggies...

Why am I bothered by Laggies? So much so that I don’t like finishing it?

I guess the main character is about to make wrong decisions. And that gives me anxiety. I’m screaming at the screen, “No! Don’t do that”. But of course, they still do. Of course. I already know how this is gonna end.

Why does it bother me so much when technically she’s not doing anything wrong? Oh yes, she’s gonna hurt her fiance when she inevitably breaks off their engagement. And?

I don’t know. As I said, I don’t like it when characters make wrong decisions. 

She’s running away because she discovered that her father is having an affair. And instead of confronting him, she’s living with a teenager and her dad. And of course, she’s gonna fall in love with the dad. Predictable.

I guess I just don’t like it when I don’t have control over things. The question is: will my worrying ever change the outcome? No. Definitely not. It’s all predetermined.

But why am I worried on behalf of the main character? Even if she herself is not worried. It’s crazy.

Why can’t I just not care? I’ve done that before. Laughing at the misfortunes of a character in a movie. Feeling nothing. Unmoved.

I guess what makes this different is that I identify with Keira Nightley’s character. I’m at the point in my life where I don’t know exactly what I want. Not that I’m doomed. I’m doing fine. It’s just that I feel aimless. The things that I used to love, I no longer care about. Everything seems meaningless and pointless. 

I guess sometimes we get impulsive and reckless just to feel something. Anything. Fuck the consequences. 

And when we get sober from the high, we regret it all. Or not. It depends.

I just don’t like conflict, let’s be real. And the confrontation that comes after.