Unfiltered

I'm really sleepy. But I'm trying to stay up because I don't know. My food hasn't been digested yet? Dunno. 

Im writing this post because I'm bored. Because my inhibitions are down. Sometimes interesting thoughts come when I'm between wakefulness and sleepiness. 

Im watching this American remake of a French movie that I've seen before. Something about a disabled man and a black caregiver. I noticed the similarities from the first scene. 

I've been overthinking. Worrying about when I'll graduate. Will I be able to publish before the funding runs out? That sort of thing. And what does it matter if I do? What does anything matter at all? 

I feel drunk without drinking alcohol. I did eat green mangoes though. With soy sauce, salt and chili. It hurt my lips and it got inflamed for a moment. I had to drink lots of water and turn on the fan to make it better. I'm okay now.

I'm just a normal human being. With eccentric curiosities but normal. I don't know why other people think otherwise. 

Yesterday it was raining and I might have been rained on a bit. I had a headache and it took me a while to sleep. Now I feel a headache coming. 

I should have been more spontaneous. Accepted a few more invitations to hangout. I'm too much of a homebody to my detriment. 

I know now that I'm part of something bigger. Or I will be if I accept the responsibility. I think I'm ready to come out of my shell. To be more outspoken. To communicate.

But I'm no longer idealistic. I know that it will take decades to create a substantial impact. What's the rush? I'll contribute whatever way I can. 

For me to be able to do that I will have to set aside other people's expectations. Follow my curiosities. It's a blessing to love what you do for a living. 

There's something that's bothering me. That I haven't felt in a while. The title of this post is a lie. This is not an unfiltered post. It's semi-filtered. Some things you just have to keep to yourself. I take myself way too seriously sometimes. Oftentimes. I'm just a blip in the universe. 

I know now why this remake sucks. It spoonfeeds the viewer. It's way too direct. I don't get the humor unlike the French one.

Que sera, sera. I will live as I please. Take care of the people I love. I think that's a good life.