A letter to my future self

A letter to myself (written Nov 2021)

***

You probably heard by now.

The result of the comprehensive exams.

And I'm going to influence that (whatever it is).

You're probably angry with me because I slacked off.

I continue to procrastinate because I haven't been punished yet.

I hope I don't get punished.

You're going to take the brunt of that.

It's weird talking to you (myself) like this.

I know I'm already behind.

I don't know where to start.

Where to prioritize.

I can't afford to go slow.

But I also can't panic.

I hope I don't panic tomorrow.

I know I've been selfish. Talking about myself like this.

What about you?

I hope you get the favorable outcome that you wanted.

I haven't been helpful on that front.

But I will still try. No matter how small time there is left.

If I'm able to pull this off, I hope you give your best in your research!

Show them what you're made of!

That's the only consolation for the anguish that this has caused me.

Show that compre does not reflect your mathematical ability.

Your research ability.

As they say, the best revenge is success.

Your failures are your own. Don't compare yourself with others.

It's a distraction.

I'll do the best that I can facing the impossible situation that I am in which is largely my fault.

Don't have anyone to blame but myself.

Let's take it one day at a time.

One hour at a time.

One minute at a time.

I know it's gonna be exhausting.

I've been there before.

I vowed to never do that again.

But here I am again.

I never learn, don't I?

I gotta sacrifice sleep. I'll sleep Wednesday evening.

Or whole day Thursday.

But for now I gotta forgo sleep.

There is no other choice.

Hope I make it through.

Wish me luck.

This is reminiscent of proba (I know).

***

Let's get this bread!

Finish the PhD as quickly as possible.