Janeth Canama

  I had a talk this week about the construction of white noise test functions. It was nice actually. I was forced to articulate what I know and present it in a more coherent way. Concepts that were fuzzy before has become clearer now. I still have remaining objectives to answer but the process is the reward. Next week, I will be presenting my results in a colloquium. I will frame the results around a central question which is a variation of a certain Lie algebra of white noise operators. This is done by replacing the number operator by a generalized number operator, called conservation operator corresponding to an operator S. Doing this changes the dimension of the base Lie algebra depending on the properties of S. One result that I have is that the linear independence of the orbits of S characterizes the dimension of the Lie algebra. The question then becomes: which operators have a linearly independent orbit? One example is the the unilateral shift. It has a very simple structure...

I'm really sleepy. But I'm trying to stay up because I don't know. My food hasn't been digested yet? Dunno.  Im writing this post because I'm bored. Because my inhibitions are down. Sometimes interesting thoughts come when I'm between wakefulness and sleepiness.  Im watching this American remake of a French movie that I've seen before. Something about a disabled man and a black caregiver. I noticed the similarities from the first scene.  I've been overthinking. Worrying about when I'll graduate. Will I be able to publish before the funding runs out? That sort of thing. And what does it matter if I do? What does anything matter at all?  I feel drunk without drinking alcohol. I did eat green mangoes though. With soy sauce, salt and chili. It hurt my lips and it got inflamed for a moment. I had to drink lots of water and turn on the fan to make it better. I'm okay now. I'm just a normal human being. With eccentric curiosities but normal. I don...

It's election season. And I see these candidates who have no chance of winning. But they try. Some barely try. Some desperately try.  Even before the elections, I've had this question in my head, "Is it pathetic to try"? Is it pathetic to try when you have no chance of winning? How would you know that you have no chance of winning? By trying, heh. That's how you test the waters. I definitely had moments when I thought I had no chance of doing something but that was the pessimist in me talking. Almost always, the reality is so much better than the scenario in my head. Sometimes all we need is a little bit of hope. What does winning even mean? Is it attaining a goal? Perhaps. I guess sometimes I don't try because I don't wanna be seen as weak. The excuse "I didn't even try anyways" will come in handy. Your ego won't be hurt. Because if you tried your hardest and you gave it your all, and you still didn't get it, what does tha...

 Hello! Just a quick update on my dissertation. Our paper got accepted in a conference in Europe. It's a poster presentation. It's my first time doing one. Yeah, so I'm going to apply for funding for that. It's going to take up all the alloted budget for dissemination. The daily subsistence allowance in Sweden is 300+USD! Need to do that ASAP so that I can apply for a visa. I also found an error in the paper we submitted for review. It's not a fatal error. It can be fixed. On the bright side, it simplifies things and results are much nicer. Yeah, so that's what I've been thinking about these past few days. Update: 7/27 I wasn't able to go because of time constraints. By the time my request for financial support was approved there was no time to apply for a visa anymore. I'm applying for funding for another conference in October.

I celebrated my 30th birthday this week. And I feel like it deserves a post at least. But I don't know what to write. If you think about it, I've lived a third of my life (if I live to 90 that is). I'm not really worried about that. I don't have a particular goal to hit. I don't plan to get married and form a family, for example. I'd like to finish my PhD though. And I can now focus fully on writing my dissertation. The results that I got were quite simple in retrospect although getting there was not straightforward. I got stuck a lot of times. I took a break and when I got back I realized how to fix it. I kind of question my output. Is it good enough? My adviser says so. Then it must be. Who am I to argue with that? I have to get better at receiving feedback. I'm not really good at multi-tasking. Things overwhelm me. But the rare moments when I got into the zone were exhilarating. I'm not sure I'll ever get used to the roller-coaster of ...

I was listening to Blind by Lifehouse on repeat and these lyrics stood out to me and I couldn't help but feel emotional. I always loved this song but today is just one of those days when it hit me. After all this time I never thought we'd be here Never thought we'd be here When my love for you was blind But I couldn't make you see it Couldn't make you see it That I loved you more than you'll ever know I always felt that I have to do something incredible to be deserving of love. But no, the moment I was born I was already deserving of love. I don't have to do anything. How can you expect someone else to love you if you can't even love yourself? I'm so hard on myself lately. Like existing is not even enough. I don't have to feel this way anymore. At least I'm trying to. Anyway, I was listening to this song on repeat and I cannot get enough of it. I had to pause it eventually because I was looking for drum covers. But they ain't any go...

Just a quick update on my PhD journey . I passed my compre last November. Barely. I presented my proposal last week. I need to revise it. Add a lot more of preliminary concepts. I don't even know where to start. I also have a paper to write. And I hit a snag. The Lie algebra that I'm studying has a lot more elements than I thought. The results are still valid but describing them is a lot more difficult now. It's a nice problem to have though. It has become more interesting. My adviser has asked me if I celebrated after my proposal. I actually didn't. I rested for a couple of days so I guess that counts as "celebration". And now I'm on my period so I can't work as much because of cramps. I haven't gotten out of the house either. I plan to after my period is over. I don't know what to make of this discontent. I'm actually ahead of schedule. But the expectations are so high it feels like I'm lagging behind. Feeling grateful is not automati...