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Let's time travel to 2008

Who is my audience? Who am I writing all this for?

And the quick answer is me. The future me.

Photo by Alex Powell from Pexels

I'd like to feel the same awe as I have now reading my past writings. Like so:

An unfortunate being as I am, I’m stuck here inside this boring house and I’m making my life more miserable day by day. Do I have a choice? I should not be surprised anymore. Why, I’ve been doing this for years already… if not ages. (April 2008)
Quite fitting for quarantining.

But it doesn’t change the fact that I am still very miserable inside. My heart still bears the pain of the past and the anxiety of the present. Whenever I am alone, I remember very well how foolish I had been and how I continue to be foolish. Deep inside exists the mystery of my soul, the explanation of why I act this or that way, why I am very inconsistent and irrational. (January 2008)
Did I really write that? How poetic, albeit a bit pretentious. I feel like my sixteen year old self is a much better writer than I am.

There's just something magical about being a teenager. You experience intense emotions for the first time. You need a way to express it productively, otherwise you're gonna explode.

How best to bring out the poet in you than an unrequited puppy love?
Maybe you don’t know or you will never know. There’s something in your eyes that is perplexing. Yes, it is wonderful to look into them, but I dare not for I am afraid that I may not be able to hold your gaze. And that will make the situation worse. 
I'm just amazed. I'm nowhere as expressive as that now. I don't have the words nor the emotions. What the hell happened?

Maybe I've become cynical. Nonetheless, it's just fun to see how emotional a teenager could be. Especially if that teenager was me.

I'm really glad I uploaded it online so that I can access it anytime.

Who said time travel wasn't possible?

This is the reason I keep this blog. So that future me could time travel to past me, which is currently present me.

That hurt my brain. Ciao, for now.

J.C.
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