that time i thought i didn't get the scholarship (Jan. 14, 2020)

as you may already know, i got a scholarship for my phd studies

let me share that time when i thought i did not. 
i didn't hear anything and it was already the start of the semester so i was already losing hope.

as they say, most of our troubles are in our head

the way i was rationalizing this "setback" was enlightening

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how do i feel that i'm not selected for the scholarship (seems like)

it's humbling

i realize that i'm nobody. keeps me on my toes.
keeps me from being complacent. keeps me from thinking i'm somebody.

i'm even more motivated. nobody owes me anything.

i have to prove that i'm capable, not necessarily to them but to myself.
this is all just a game to me anyway.

a game?

yes, a game. because i just wanna play. i just wanna socialize too. 

immerse

i like this quote. seems relevant at the moment.

“Winning is only satisfying when there is a possibility of failure. The possibility of failure emanates from obstacles”