studying is like going to a party as an introvert

imagine you're an introvert going to a party
and you know nobody
so you're gonna panic

but if you know some people
or someone looks familiar
"oh, i know you"
you're gonna relax
this is not so bad after all

so what's the goal?

the goal is to know as many people as possible
most especially the key people

and hope that you will still recognize them outside
in the real world

and if they quiz you about them
you can answer them
or improvise some acceptable answer
so as not to upset them

because the worst feeling is seeing someone in public
and not remembering their name

and worse still, in this context
is to recognize someone in the crowd
and not remember where you met them
or their contributions

as the song say,
"i remember the boy
but i don't remember the feeling anymore"
familiar but shallow
you didn't know them at all

Comments

I can't finish watching Laggies...

Why am I bothered by Laggies ? So much so that I don’t like finishing it? I guess the main character is about to make wrong decisions. And that gives me anxiety. I’m screaming at the screen, “No! Don’t do that”. But of course, they still do. Of course. I already know how this is gonna end. Why does it bother me so much when technically she’s not doing anything wrong? Oh yes, she’s gonna hurt her fiance when she inevitably breaks off their engagement. And? I don’t know. As I said, I don’t like it when characters make wrong decisions. She’s running away because she discovered that her father is having an affair. And instead of confronting him, she’s living with a teenager and her dad. And of course, she’s gonna fall in love with the dad. Predictable. I guess I just don’t like it when I don’t have control over things. The question is: will my worrying ever change the outcome? No. Definitely not. It’s all predetermined. But why am I worried on behalf of the main character? Even if she...

Hierarchy of D-classes determined by rank

The D-classes have a certain type of hierarchy. And to illustrate this, I'll give relevant properties of the rank of a transformation. The first property is that the rank of a product of two transformations is less than or equal to the minimum of the individual ranks. Let's flesh this out some more. Let's start with what I call the nobility in this hierarchy--the permutations. The noble class would like their wealth and power to stay within their class or family. How do they do that? The idea is to marry someone with the same social class as you are. It's a very common trope in movies and TV. So in the same way, for an "offspring" of a permutation to have the full rank still, both of its "parents" should be permutations. rank(ab)=n if and only if rank(a)=rank(b)=n As part of group theory, we study permutations. This is because a group is embedded in a permutation group by Cayley's theorem. In the finite case, every group of order n is isomorphi...

Anthem by Ayn Rand: Individualism vs Collectivism (reaction pre-pandemic)

I read Anthem by Ayn Rand before the pandemic happened. So my thoughts and opinions are not colored by people's reaction to the pandemic (e.g. anti-maskers). First off, I disagree with Ms. Rand's over-arching thesis that selfishness is always good. Too much individuality has made me feel alienated from other people. The best feelings that I had are when I feel connected to other people. The following quote resonated with me because I'm usually secretive with my thoughts and opinions. I don't share my thoughts freely that's why i have a private twitter account. It is a sin to write this. It is a sin to think words no others think and to put them down upon a paper no others are to see. It is base and evil. It is as if we were speaking alone to no ears but our own. But according to the "document, don't create" philosophy you should share to the world your progress and don't just keep it to yourself. You might as well get constructive feedback and mee...

Janeth Canama

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